i don't always believe that i'll feel okay one day

i'm often tricked into thinking that i feel okay

but then it wears off and i'm down low again

i don't always believe that i'll feel real motivation again -- honestly

sometimes i get swept up and caffeinated

but then i crash and am turned back into ashes

to be truthful -- it scares me

it f-u-c-k-s me up

i spend a lot of time in bed (still)

on the couch (curled up)

staring at walls

i don't sleep well

i haven't been sleeping well

i keep thinking

"i need to be listening to french radio"

i hear that works

i keep thinking

"well, i can't wait to see what good comes of this"